Hurry up and wait!

Today I had an appointment to have my first chemo treatment.  But due to some red tape (that I was warned could be possible this first time out) with pre-authorization from the insurance company, I was not able to go.  This is a temporary set back, and I already have the appointment lined up for next Friday.  But it is, we are learning, par for the course!  

From the moment the ER docs said cancer to me we have been in the pattern of hurry up and then wait until someone else tells us what to do next, then wait for their scheduler to call you and tell you when to come in, arrive 30 minutes early, wait in the waiting room for however long, wait in the exam room, wait for the scheduler in this office......you get the point.  There is lots of waiting.  I do not do well with waiting!  At least, I didn't.  Heck, I don't like to wait in line at the grocery store.  But I have learned to let all of that go because waiting has become routine.  It is just part of the deal now.  I can choose to spend my time mad about it or I can choose to just be at peace.  That is what I choose.  Peace.  A beautiful side effect of peace is joy!  They truly do go hand in hand.  So it is a win for sure!  

Lesson #4,781 from this cancer journey is that regardless of circumstance, I DO get to choose my attitude.  Joy and Peace are way better and more fun than anger and frustration!  

So, I get to start chemo next week, which means I get to spend tomorrow with my family and NOT be sick or tired.  I get to work next week and feel good!  I get one more week with hair!  YEP, I will be bald by valentines day.  (The only reason I know that date is because that will be the date of my second infusion. ) I will be shaving my head before my hair falls out.  I can control that which feels good while I'm on this ride that feels so out of my hands.  Will I get a wig?  I don't know!  I really cannot decide.  But I already have some scarves and skull caps and my Bekah has agreed to Henna my head. I'll get some huge, colorful earrings and just go with this new phase!  YIKES!  I don't want to lose my hair.  I get a little teary eyed when I think about it.  But the questions is, am I willing to lose my hair in order to save my life?  The answer is a resounding yes!  So, deep breaths in and out and get OK with bald.  It is just part of this journey.  I have to learn to embrace it!

Philippians 4:4&5 says : Rejoice in the Lord always.  I will say it again, rejoice!  Let your gentleness be evident to all.  The Lord is near.

If you pray, please pray for the grace to be gentle!  I do not want to use this as an excuse to be cranky!

The Lord is near may sound weird to you all, but for me it is a huge comfort!  He is my bestie.  he is kind, gentle, loving...I'm so thankful he is near especially during this time in my life.  

This song is a favorite. Peace!  Jesus, you silence fear!  It is so true for me.  I do not know how I would walk through this without him.   

So, I will let you know when I'm bald...I'll keep you posted.  Please keep praying! I know that is what is making this all work!

Much love!