My eyebrows have abandoned me!

Yep, it's true...well, mostly true. My eyebrows are jumping ship more each day!  Dang!  My eyelashes too.  Some are holding on, but they are much more thin.

Now, I have become VERY comfortable with walking around bald.  (more on this to come) But I really don't want to look like a naked mole rat or one of those horrible, bald cats. (appoligies to anyone who may own one of those) So, am experiementing with false eyelashes and desperately trying to figure out how to fill in my eyebrows without looking angry, or like a lego animation figure!  (:  Ah!  Well, I suppose it could be worse. 

Last weekend I wanted to go for a walk with a friend and could not get my scarf tied.  Could. Not. Do. It.  No idea why.  So, I did what any mature adult would do, I threw the scarf and cried. Real mature.  But grief is like that, isnt it.  You never know when it's going to hit and it won't really make sense when it does.  I am still grieving my hair for sure.  But also, just the situation.  When I first got the diagnosis I felt a deep, profound sadness.  That hit again for a bit saturday when I could not tie the stupid scarf.  But then, I called a friend who is so good at just letting me cry, not trying to fix me.  And I went to visit my other friend and we went for a walk in the beautiful weather (I think in Colorado this is called "fools spring"  But it sure has been nice to walk outside) sat on her porch and visited and by the time I got home several hours later I had come to terms with just walking around bald and was feeling much better.  Much more like me.  So, since then I have not bothered with covering my head unless it is cold.  It's very freeing!  I have gotten some odd looks.  And one grumpy old man in a parking lot today muttered an ugly comment about the state of "femininity" these days.  Well, grumpy old man, kiss it.  My bald head, my butt, I don't care which, but kiss it. I am just sassy and stubborn enough I may never let my hair grow back now.  Just for him! 

The really good news is I have been feeling great the past week!  Very few naps needed, no tylenol needed, no anti nausea meds needed.  Good stuff!  And at my last chemo infusion the oncologist could not find the tumors.  They are shrinking rapidly.  I am so thankful!!!!  This makes it all worth it.  This makes staying in the fight so much easier.  AND...the dreaded brain MRI came back clear!  WOOHOO!!!!

The MRI...what a thing.  I went to an open MRI location and it all went well.  Admitedly, I had two vallium in me, but who cares??  I did it!  I started to cry at first, but God dropped the voice of a dear friend into my head.  I could hear worship.  Then I remembered that the length of the MRI was a short worship set.  So, I put together a set list in my head and began to sing.  I belted out 3 and half songs before it was all done.  Then I went home and had a nap!  ha!  The next day we got the results, and my head is all clear!  It is so nice to be getting good reports!  Thank you Jesus!

Chemo #4 is Friday.  At the end of this session I will be half way through the chemo.  Half way!  Amazing!  After this cycle the meds change.  That will potentially change how I react to it and what my rebound time will be, but that's ok.  We are tearing through it and that is good!

This particular passage has come up for me three times in the last two weeks.  Romans 5: 3-5
 3 Not only so, but we[c] also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; 4 perseverance, character; and character, hope. 5 And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.

Hope does not put us to shame!  I will persevere, my character will become stronger, better, more beautiful through this and I will stand on hope as I walk this out! 

Every Table Is An Altar.  Such a beautiful song!  Such encouragement it has offered me this past week.  I listen in silence sometimes.  I cry my eyes out sometimes.  I belt it out at the top of my lungs sometimes....it's just good!

This song......I Know.  This song says exactly what I have been trying to say in 5 blog posts.  I shared it with a dear friend when I heard it and she said, "I feel like if I cut you, you would bleed this song."  And That is as close to correct as I can get.  "thoug my eyes have never seen you, I've seen enough to say, I know that you are good!"  Please listen.  

Continue to pray!  I know it is what is changing things.  Thank you so much for standing with us in this!  
Until next time....
Through it all my heart will choose to sing!