I just can't believe my life!

 It's been a long time.  I've thought a lot about this blog spot and what I could or should say next.  I said a copule of posts back, I am cancer free.  I am!  Walking out this journey, I worked to stay positive.  I just knew I would get to this point.  And now that I am here I am still processing those words, cancer free.  Complete response to treatment.  Clear margins.  No need for radiation at this time.  My life has been handed back to me and it is incredible!  It is also overwhelming.  I burst into tears of gratitude at the strangest times.  In some ways I have no idea how to take this gift and make the most of it.  I am not sure how to process the magnitude of the gift I have been given.  Whew!  Gratitude.  

I have been able to go back to work and it is amazing!  I've been back for a month and students just returned Wednesday.  I have decided that to do my best to pour into the beautiful lives of these precious babies is one way I can make the most of the gift of life I have been given.  So I show up and enjoy each day!  Also, I'm worn out!  Wow!  My body was pretty broken down after chemo.  I did not realize how weak I was.  I have spent the last several weeks slowly working to build up my stamina again and the move into a place of strength again.  I'm getting there!  But dude...I'm tired at the end of the day!  

The final phase of this journey is my reconstruction surgery.  I do not yet have a date, but we are getting closer.  Skin expanders are full and in place, I know now from my oncologist what is required and I just need to make the appointment with my plastic surgeon.  It will be sometime this year.  We have met our deductible with our insurance and are bound and determined to just get all of this done in the same calendar year!  (: I'll keep you posted.  ( I know you're all waiting on pins and needles for these updates!)

Doing all of this in the midst of COVID is also very odd.  I am on three medications that compromises my immune system.  It's not qute how it was during chemo, but it is suppressed.  And while my doctors all encourage me to work and live my life they also encourage me to be careful.  So, Mark and I have made the decision to go to work and then mostly quarantine at home.  Outside of work we Zoom with friends and family.  We have not been to church in months and won't be able to go for at least a few more.  In Colorado churches are open and our home church has been holding in person services for weeks.  We miss you all!  I miss live worship!  But I do know I am not alone in that.  Many people are in the same boat.  I'm not complaining, just telling the truth.  

I woke up the other day with this passage in my heart, "The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases, His mercies never come to an end.  They are new every morning.  Great is your faithfulness!"  Lamentations 3:21&22.  It is so true.  New every morning!  I am thankful.  I am blessed.  

This song! Wow!

There was another in the fire standing next to me.  There was another in the waters holding back the seas.

It has been on loop in my brain and heart for over a month now.  Mark got a tattoo journaling his part of this journey (my EKG from surgery spiraling down his arm) and he plans to get these words tattooed next.  When he told me about it I absolutely crumbled.  It is the perfect description of this journey.  

I hope it helps encourage you.  I hope it reminds you that you are not alone in whatever fight you are in!

Until next time, many blessings and much love!

And.....They're off!

It's been awhile since my last post.  Goodness!  What a month its been.  I had surgery June 4.  Everything went well, I am healing nicely, but they were not able to do the reconstruction that day.  There were some concerns about blood flow and healing.  Chemo damaged my cells.  So, I have spacers in and will have reconstrution sometime in the fall.  I think my surgeons were more disappointed in the outcome than I was!  I am so blessed to have such a caring, invested team!  They have been taking such good care of me!
Recovery has been a bit slower than I anticipated, but I am assured by all my doctors that this is quite normal and I am healing nicely.  So I am continuing to try and be patient with myself.  Oy!  Not easy.
My surgeon has mentioned twice that she is anxious to see how I feel once I am healed up.  She could not belive how heavy my breast tissue was. For real!  I cant wait either.  I'm looking forward to no back pain and no shoulder pain.  Truthfully, boobs are nothing but trouble!  ha!  I'm glad to have them gone, for ALL the reasons!
My hair has started to grow back.  In case you are wondering, it's looking like it will be salt and pepper.  more pepper than salt at his point.  But the dark is much darker than it was before it all fell out and the light is much more evenly dispersed.  This is good!  I was hoping for a full head of silver hair, but I'll take salt and pepper!  Mark is really enjoying rubbing it!  He says it feels like a kitten.  LOL!  It could be worse, so I won't complain! I'm still waiting for my eyelashes and eye brows to grow back in which is so annoying.  I don't like bald eyes!  But they are starting to come back in...slowly.  Everything Ive read says it takes  between 6 and 8 weeks forthem to come back in fully.  So by the end of summer I should have lashes again!  yay! Until then, I just wear fake lashes.  It seems foreign to me, but it works.  I like the magnetic kind rather than dealing with glue....just in case you're thinking of trying them too!  (:
And more good news, I learned that because of the response to chemo, I do not require radiation!  WOOHOO!  This is such good news.  I am looking forward to healing and moving forward.  And my plastic surgeon says that recovery from reconstruction will only take a week or so.  That is also good news.  I was thinking that it would be another 6 week recovery.   Whew!  Things are looking up.
Because I don't need radiation I have started all the post chemo and surgical treatments.  Hormone supressants.  My body is taking a bit to adjust, but side effects should wear off within 3 or 4 weeks.  Fingers crossed for that!  Headaches, nausea, dry cough (I promise, it's not Corona!  I am assured it is a side effect!) insomnia - which is why I am writing this at 2 am.  At any rate, things are moving forward and we are heading into the Life after cancer phase.  I am looking forward to that! 
I look at this situation and still marvel at how I have walked through it.  My faith is the only reason I have been able to face each day, turn every corner, sit through every appointment.  I look at the last 7 months and know that I could not have gone through it all without him.  I stand only because of him.
Psalm 118:28 says:
You are my God and I will Praise you.  You are my God and I will exault you
Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good.  His love endured forever.

This is the anthem of my heart!  I will forever give thanks!  I will forever praise.  Even in the darkest night, the hardest moments, when fear is the only thing I can hear, I will remind myself what is true.  He is good and I will praise!
Goodness of God.  I have shared this song before, but it is just so true.  All my life.....
Simple Gospel. some of the lyrics are, "I will rejoice in the simple gospel, I will rejoice in you lord."  After leading this song many times and singing it in my personal worship times I have come to fully realize, the simple gospel is Jesus.  Not the bible, not books in the bible, not doctrine or denomenational beliefs.  Jesus is the simple gospel. Jesus, his love, his life, who he is.  I love this!
So, today, I will rejoice!  It is a choice.  Always.  And choose it!  I hope you listen. they are amazing songs. They bring such peace to my soul.  I pray they will do the same for you.
I am standing eyeball deep in blessings, I am cancer free, I get to go back to work soon, I willl be feeling better soon. 

Until next time....Thank you for your support, your love and your prayers.

Blessings,
Jade

5 days and counting!

I have finished all of my pre-op appointments and am counting down the days to surgery!  People keep asking me if I'm anxoius or scared.  No, I'm not.  Perhaps it's because I don't have good sense.  But I'm just not worried.  Now, I'll be honest, I'm not looking forward to the pain that is sure to accompany such a surgery, but that will be temporary.  And I am looking forward to being 2/3 of the way through treatment!  This is a good thing and I am thankful for it! It is a life saving surgery and I am thrilled to be able to have it taken care of!
I had to have a COVID test during my last pre-op appointment.  Let me tell you, that isn't fun!  Zowie! The sweet nurse, who is dressed in full gear with a plastic face mask and all , takes a fairly long "swab" and runs it clear up your nose and into your sinuses.  Once up and in something similar to the hokey pokey happens, go right spin swab left then switch.  OY!  I was tearing up by the end.  But it is done now. YAY!
The very best news is this: I got the results back from the MRI.  The words. "complete response to treatment" appear on the written results! This means there is no cancer currently living in my body!  This is a much better outcome than any of us hoped for going in and I can say with full confidence I am healed!  My docotrs are amazed at the results!   We will continue with the full treatment plan, thats just wisdom.  But I am so relieved and so very, very thankful to go into surgery with this news!
On the way home from the Oncologist office this song, Defender came on the radio.  I had to pull off and listen and cry - again.  A good friend and fellow worshiper told me early on in this journey that this song kept coming to her mind when she prayed for me.  So I listened to it over and over like a promise and began to sing it like a prayer.  And after hearing this amazing news, I can sing it with even more truth in my heart!  I can plant my feet and sing, "you restore my faith and hope again.  And all I did was praise.  All I did was worship. All I did was stay still."  That is all I did.  Take a listen.  I truly love this song!  You will too! ( Also, I want to be able to sing like her!  (:  Life goals!  Ha!)
So, I head into surgery next week knowing that it has all been worth it and will continue to be worth it!  I didn't know how much I needed to hear those words.  But when I did hear them I felt like I had taken my first deep breath in months.  Thank you Jesus!  Words like "lymph nodes have fully normalized" will put some wind back in your sails for sure!
I hope that this encourages you. Wherever you are, whatever is happening, find a reason to be thankful.  Find a reason for hope.  Find a reason to sing! I know our world is crazy right now, but there is always something to be thankful for or hopeful about.  Look for those things!
I look forward to updating you in a few weeks on how surgery has gone!
Happy Summer Y'all!
Many many blessings

Day 167.....Post 10

Day 167.  That's a lot of days.  Also, hardly any time at all.  I found out 167 days ago that I had breast cancer.  The first two months seemed to drag on forever and forever, having tests done, waiting for results, meeting with doctors, seemingly eternal setbacks.  Then, finally, a solid treatment plan and we got started!   Last week I finished chemo.  I am so stinking glad to be done.  I mentioned in my last post that I was not at all fond of the last chemo drug.  Still not a fan.  I have learned more since then.  The Taxol itself is poison, obviously. They all are.  But what my body is "allergic" to is the carrier.  And these allergic reactions are partly to blame for why I struggle to recover.  I have been sick with this.  I am happy to be done with chemo.  I am more relieved though.  This has been harder than I could have anticipated and I am so glad I don't have to do it again!  

My sweet family had a cake and flowers and ginger ale when I got home from chemo last friday.  They celebrated with me because I was done.  I was so thankful.  And I am done!  But I have to keep reminding myself that being done with chemo does not mean my body has healed....The Monday following Chemo I woke up and decided that the best way to begin recovering and regaining my strength would be to clean my whole house.  ( I have been cleaning regularly, but in 15 minute increments because I have been sick and weak and have to go slow.) I was doing fairly well, though I noticed that sweat literally just rolls off of a bald head!  ROLLS!  But who cares?  Even if you are me and you hate to sweat, you're done with chemo, you've got things to do, you must go after the dust on the mantle with a vengeance!  Right?  Anyway, I was doing ok.  I swept the house and was going to finish the cleaning with a nice fresh mopping of the kitchen.  The sweat should have told me to sit down and rest.  The nausea should have told me to get a ginger ale and sip it quietly on the porch.  The raggedy breathing and pounding heart should have told me to go put my feet up and regulate my breathing for a bit.  In fact, they all did say all of those things, I just didn't listen.  And when I got the mop bucket filled and set on the floor my body just took care of itself and gave me what I needed.  Bending over caused my vision to go black and when it all came back I was sitting next to the mop bucket feeling rather grateful that it was fresh water not dirty because my face was awful close to the water!  EW!  I'm still not exactly sure what was driving me or why I thought I needed to or even could do all of that work less than 72 hours after chemo.  It was like I was training for the house cleaners olympics!  What a dork!  So, I sat down, sipped a ginger ale and texted Mark to confess my stupidity.  To his credit, he didn't get after me at all.  He's a good man, I'm lucky to live with my bestie!  I'm so thankful he is here with me through this and that he seems to still like me....even when I swan dive into the mop water....good grief!

Just a couple days after my last chemo  my life became the property of the scheduling departments of two surgeons, one oncologist, one radiologist and Rose Medical Center again!  All of the sudden my dance card is full again!  I am looking forward to surgery June 4.  But the whole gang needs to see me before I can have surgery,  I'm a busy girl!  I really am looking forward to this next step.  

I had my post chemo/ pre-op breast MRI yesterday.  I went to the same place I had my first one done.  (BTW, Womens Imaging Center....You guys rock!!! ) I was worried that I would feel some sort of PTSD walking back into the place that confirmed my diagnosis, but I did not.  I felt some sort of relief that I knew the drill!  It all went very well, and at the end of the MRI the rad tech  said things looked good.  My Oncologist will tell me all about it this Thursday at one of my 4 pre-op appointments.   Part of me is anxious to hear the official report.  Part of me is happy to be living in this odd limbo of being 99% sure that the chemo has done its job, but needing the results of this scan to confirm it.  Does that make me a chicken? I really think it might. Sometimes, just for a tiny bit of time, not knowing is ok.  The other part of me is really ready to sit down with my oncologist and hear the news. All of me is ready to move on to the plan for surgery.  

I mentioned in my first blog post that worship is what gets me through things, is part of who I am, is how I stay grounded in who I am and what I believe.  Since I started Taxol I have been less and less able to spend time dedicated to worship.  I have not sung very many notes (It is hard to sing when you have blisters in your throat and are just trying not to throw up.) I have not even had a consistent devotional time of prayer and study.  I have just been sick.  Am I making excuses?  Maybe, I don't know.  I think I'm just being honest.  Regardless, I have not been singing much.  When I went in for my MRI (this is the good place where they give you headphones and pipe music into your head for you!) I asked her just to put on some worship music.  And for 15 whole minutes I was able to just let the music wash over me and move through me.  It was there, like a promise.  It brought back to mind the first time I was there and tuly how far He has carried me in the last 167 days.  My heart sang.  Oddly, I came out spiritually refreshed.  Who knew you could have church in an MRI tube???  But it was beautiful! I'm grateful for the gift of music!

After the cleaning episode, after the MRI, after this past week of recovering from my last chemo, I'm still recovering!  It is 4 am and I am awake and blogging because the anti nausea meds are still not cutting it and I can't sleep.  BUT, it's 4 am and I am up blogging.....reflecting!  There is life in me.  I have my family here in the house (they have the sense God gave a goose and are asleep, but they are here!) And even if I don't feel well now, I will.  Soon.  Someday soon I will not need three types of anti nausea meds.  Someday soon I will be able to walk more than 1 block and back.  Someday soon the blisters on my tongue will be gone and I will be able to sing again.  Someday soon my immune system will be back and I will be able to hug my son, my parents, my friends!  Someday soon.  You know what all of that is?  That is HOPE!  In the midst of being sick and crazy I have hope.  I'm blessed!  

This song, What a Beautiful Name, is the first song that played in the MRI yesterday.  I love this song.  I have listened to this song many times.  God has used this song to encourage me on more than one occasion, and he at one point spoke very deeply to me and made me promises that have now come true through this song.  I did not ask for it by name yesterday, it was just the first song to play.  I had to smile.  Then I just let it wash over me.  Maybe you can do that too.  

This blog has been such a great outlet for me and I am so surprised and grateful that you have chosen to come along and stay on this journey with me!  Thank you so much for that!  

Until next time....when I may have NEW BOOBS!  Which reminds me, the treatment before last I sat across from a lady who had on a sweat shirt that said, "My Oncologist does my hair"  I loved it!  She told me she also has one that says, "Hell yeah these are fake! The real ones tried to kill me!"  Well....I want one of each please!  The sentiments of the second one fit me to a T!  I have felt that way since the day I was diagnosed.  I want them off of me, they are trying to kill me and I do not care for them anymore!  So, I'm gonna get some new ones!  yay!

Many blessings.  May you find a reason to sing.  Or at least find a song in your heart.

XO

And some days you just want to cuss....

Taxol.  Thats the name of the chemo drug that I am on now.  I really do not like it.  Really.  Do not.  For me it has been much more challenging than the first two and I am realizing that I am not up to the challenge.  I can honestly say that through all of this I have had many more good days than bad.  I have had my fair share of struggles with settling in with this to be sure.  But overall, I have had good days with happieness, peace and lots of moments of joy.  This week though, I have struggled.  As my physical abilities wane my emotional fragility amps up.  For some reason, when I hurt I am much less able to be strong or joyful. This round of chemo brought pain as well as complete numbness in my feet and partial numbness to my fingers.  Losing feeling in my feet, though "expexted" also seems to have been the last straw for me.  I got really mad, and then I got really sad.  Then yesterday, when my sweet husband got up from the table to fill my bowl for me because getting up is hard, well, then I cried for two hours. 
Grief.  Not one thing about it is predictable.  Not one thing about it makes any sense.  And it is indescribeable.  Because even though I know the trigger for me, it will not make sense to anyone.  So, I sat on my bed with my hankie and I cried.  I guess sometimes you just have to do that.  I say it to my students all the time, "the sad comes and then the sad goes again and you will feel something else."  It is true.  Sometimes you just have to sit with the sad.  Feel it, look at it, acknowledge it and only then you can make room for feeling something else.  Today is a new day and I do have a new feeling.  It is faint, but hope blooms again.  Peace reigns in my heart and home again.  The sad went...I am grateful.
I have one more round of Taxol, May 8.  And then, I AM DONE!  Chemo #8 will be finished and I move on to surgery.  I am very excited!  Eventhough I am not looking forward to the next round and am apprehensive about what it will bring, I do know that from there I will begin to  heal from the chemo. About 4 weeks after that, June 4, I will have surgery.  And guess what!?  My plastic surgeon said that she will do reconstruction the same day as the mastectomy.  WOW!  That will be a long day of waiting for my family, but I will only have to heal and recover one time.  I am so very thankful for this!  And I am ready for this next step in the fight.  Lets get this going!
Yesterday in the midst of my struggle, the verse for my devotional was this: Luke 12:25 Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to your life? 
Who?  No one I know has ever added anything to life by worrying.  Lord knows I used to try!  But in my current circumstance, this was a beautiful reminder to lay down the things that would cause me to worry.  Cancer, Coronavirus, the economy, my job, the future for my children....the list goes on and on.  Instead I lifted all of those things up to him in a conversation and then let them go.  I left them on the table of conversatoin so to speak.  I was so glad of the reminder and comforted by the process.  If you are prone to worry, try a conversation with God instead.  Its ok if you don't like him.  It's ok of you don't believe he is real, it's ok if you're not sure.  Just start talking.  I promise you, he'll show up. He'll listen.  And you will be able to put down the worry.  I promise you.  If I can find and live in peace, so can you. 
Each week people reach out to me to check in and I am so thankful!  Some who have been in my life always and some who I have loved always but lost track of in lifes business.  All of it is a blessing and I am so glad to have the contact, to know how you all are doing!  Thank you for taking the time to reach out!
Until next time, when I am all done with chemo, many many blessings on each of you!   May you seek and find joy, may peace reign in your spirit, may you discover simple things in life that set a strong foundation for you.  May you be ready to go back out into the world as it reopens!  May you spread the joy and peace you are finding!
So much love to you all.
XOXO

I can't think of anythig catchy!

Here we are!  April 15, 2020.  I am experiencing the strangest time in my life along with the rest of the nation!  No one will forget this time. COVID-19 has become very real! I am still blessed to find these days joyful and delightful!  (yes, I'm being honest) I am finding joy and comfort in the people in my home. I am finding delight in the coming of spring, sitting out on the back deck, and enjoying looking at flowers on my walks.  AND spring snow is just one of my favorite things! This is a time of pressing into God, loving my family hard and working on my home, creating a peaceful place to ride out this storm.

I am two treatments into the "new" chemo drug.  I must say, it's not my favorite. For about 10 days after treatment #5 I was in a lot of pain.  Nothing gave me relief for days. (And I gave birth naturally, twice. So I have a pretty decent pain tolerance!) Finally I found some CBD products that worked and gave me some relief.  Thank heaven! I was quite miserable. I can honestly say I lost heart a couple times and cried at Mark. I'm thankful to be through it and on the other side.

Last Friday I had chemo #6 of 8.  And it did not go as smoothly as one would hope.  This drug, Taxol, has a huge laundry list of side effects (as all of them do....they are all poison!).  The pre-chemo regimen is benadryl and a couple steroids to prep your body for the drug and hopefully cut down on the side effects.  The first round of this is usually the most troublesome if you're going to experience trouble. But this second round was the doozy for me.  About 8 minutes into the treatment I began to struggle to breathe, felt immense pressure in my chest and sharp pain in my back BUT, the chemo nurses are nothing short of superheroes and quickly set things right!  They stopped the infusion, started a saline drip, put me on oxygen and talked to me until I was able to breathe normally again. After an hour on oxygen and off the drug my vitals were good enough to try again. So we did.  And it all went well. With a slightly slower drip I was able to finish the infusion and I'm still breathing! YIKES! That was a drag. An odd thought I had as I was trying to stay calm and breathe deep, " Wow! Poison really is an effective way to kill someone!"  Well, duh! But to feel that tiny bit of negative reaction in my body really woke me up to things! Calling it a drug is just a way to make it fit in your brain and have your brain accept it as a viable option. It's poison, and it is there to kill everything that crosses its path!  And I am so thankful for modern medicine and all they have learned, to use this poison to save my life! treatment #7 of 8 in a little over a week. We are getting through this!  

On April 1 I met with my surgeon again.  We have a ballpark goal for surgery (in case you're wondering, bilateral mastectomy)  between May 29 and June 5. She does not believe COVID will prevent this, as it is a life saving procedure.  I am so excited! From the moment the ER doc said the words Breast Cancer to me I have wanted to have this surgery.  The next step in this fight. I feel ready! My body will never be the same. But it wouldn't be anyway. Let's take them off!  It's time! As soon as we nail down a date for sure I will let you know! I'm sure you are all just waiting, breathlessly for this information!  😀

Thank you to all who have called, texted, sent cards, sent a meal, dropped off food, gone to the dispensary for me (yes, someone did this before I found the CBD I now have. thats love!), mailed us masks. sent flowers and the million other ways that you all have reached out to support me and my peeps through this.  It is truly making a difference for me! I cannot remember the statistic, but I do remember reading that a woman's prognosis for survival through breast cancer is much much higher if she has a strong community of support around her. In that case, I am going to live forever! You all are just amazing and I do not have words to express my gratitude!  I am blessed to have you in my world and am so thankful!  

My oncologist continues to be very optimistic, and my surgeon expressed her similar sentiments during our last visit.  I'm so grateful for this team that I have. And I'm so thankful that I am where I need to be in this fight!  

The CBD Product I found is nothing short of miraculous for me!  If you deal with chronic pain, migraine pain or are healing from a procedure and are looking for an alternative to traditional pain relievers give them a try!  Cannabinoid Refinery is the name of the company.  Click the link to find the website.  PLEASE do not try this without speaking to your doctor.  I had full permission from mine to try any of this! I am NOT a health professional and don't even play one on TV!  Be smart folks, but if you get the go ahead, please look them up, you'll be glad you did!

A friend sent me a passage of scripture Easter Sunday that I have read hundreds of times in my life.  It is in Matthew 28. It is after Christ has risen and some of his beloved friends come across him. The scripture says that when they saw him they, "took hold of his feet and worshiped him."  I had never noticed that part before...took hold of his feet. That is what I want to do. During this time where I could easily slip into terror, when the world is just going crazy and things are so unsure for everyone, I have just been pondering taking hold of his feet.  Trying to spend more of my days in worship....because...well, what else am I doing? And why in the world would I want to be doing anything else?! Whether you are a believer or not, I encourage you to picture this. Especially if you are struggling during this time....picture this, find yourself at his feet.  I think you'll find some peace! And that is my prayer for you, peace in the midst of this storm. Whatever this storm looks like for you. Peace!

Until next time, stay well and safe, search out peace.  If you need help, reach out! I am here!  

Many blessings to you and yours!

Chemo, Corona and Quarantine

Wow!  what an odd two weeks it has been!  It feels like I wrote my last blog in a whole different world.  I pray this finds you all finding joy in your days and peace in your soul.
Peace in the midst of trouble is so important and CAN be found!  I promise you that!  If I can find peace within a stage 4 cancer diagnosis, you can find it in the midst of this Coronavirus outbreak.

• Every day find at least one thing for which you are thankful!  Start your day with this practice and it will help you move into a peaceful place.  It will aslo help you notice other things throughout your day that you can add to this list, just building on it!  When you begin to feel the strain, go back over the list.  Sometimes, especially at first, you have to do this again and again throughout the day. But thats ok!  You are building a new habit.  Soon, this will be your norm!
• When you find yourself feeling stressed/worried/terrified/anxious get up and move your body.  Changing your physical perspective will also help you to change your emotional perspective.  As you move, talk to yourself (or God!) about the feelings, but then let them go.  Oh, and , when I say talk, I mean OUT LOUD!  It really does help release those feelings from your mind and body so you can move on without holding them in you anymore!
• Find things that help set the tone for peace in your home.  My things are candles or diffusers with comforting/favorite smells, Music that I love. Often it is worship music, but often it is 80's music turnned all the way up as well!  (:  Up to you!
•  And I have started making my bed every day.  When I walk into my room now I see peace and tranquility, not mess.  If you don't do this, I highly recommend it!  
• check in with at least one person each day to see how THEY are doing!  
• Check in with at least one person a day to let them know how you are doing!
• Reach out for conversation or help if you need it.  Especially now, people may not know you need assistance, but would likely be happy to provide it!
• get outside everyday!  walk, sit in the sun, rake a patch of grass, just stand there....but get outside!  Feel the sun and the breeze on your face.  It is so important!

So there!  That is how I began coping with my isolation long before the isolation that the whole country is now experiencing.  I was doing this for 8 weeks before this.  I just want to encourage you, it does get easier and there is so much that you can control about this to help keep your mood and spirit elevated!  We can all get through this!

Yesterday I went in for infusion #5 of 8!!!!!  Yay!  And I am so happy to say that for today, I do not feel "day after chemo" effects.  I started a new drug yesterday and they said that it may be easier.  So far that is true and I could not be happier or more grateful!  My oncologist has been almost giddy the last two times I have seen him, as my body is responding to treatment very well!  That is so encouraging!

With Jesus, Chemo and all the support I have been getting I am gonna beat this!  I feel strong and confident.  Strong unless you ask me to walk up a hill....then I am pretty weak and out of breath!  (:  But working on it!

Last week I had a uique 24 hours with God.  My faith was shaken and I was afraid. So I began to cry out to him.  He took me to 1 Corinthians 13, which is all about love.  We use it in weddings a lot, or when someone we love hurts us we use it show how they have not been loving us correctly (OH wait...is that just me that does that?!?!) But this is really the model of how God loves us.  Each and every one of us!  And then, in another place in the bible it talks about how perfect love (Gods love) casts out all fear.  This is the cliff notes version of what happenned, because this took place over the course of 16 to 20 hours.  But I was so blessed and grateful for the time.  And for the reminder!  God is good.  He loves perfectly. And if I trust that and sit in that, I am not afraid!  #truth

Beautiful Things. This song is an older one, but seems very relevant for this time in my life and in the world!  Take a listen!  

So much love and grace to each of you!  Praying blessings and peace to you during this time!  

I truly have been doing the isolation thing for a LONG time now, so if you need to reach out....do it!  I understand!  XO

Blessings until next time!

Also, chemo has made my fingers feel thick and typing is rough!  I am doing my best to proof this, but please just forgive anything I have missed!  XO